Staying Married For The Kids

By , May 20, 2015 1:04 am

Marriages are very difficult to make work these days. There’s no doubt about that. Couples that can make their marriages work are to be admired because they’ve found the secret to staying happily married. They don’t give in when it seems that everything is falling apart. Instead, they dig in their heels and start to attack the problem or problems in their marriage with a determination that shows how serious they are about keeping their marriage together.
Then, there are the couples that decide they want to stay married just for the sake of any young children that they may have together. While on the surface, this may seem like a caring action, it may not be that at all. Instead, it may be something that’s rather damaging to the children involved.
Consider that your kids aren’t idiots. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to fool them, most children will pick up on the undercurrents of the problems that the two of you are facing. There’s tension that cannot be hidden, no matter how much you attempt to sweep it under the rug. They understand that something’s not right. This gets even worse when the two of you are sleeping in different rooms when that was something you never did in the past.
If you’re going to attempt to continue a dead marriage for the sake of your children, there are certain things that you’ll need to do if you really want it to work out for them. For one thing, you must treat each other with respect and civility, at least when the kids are around and they can hear you. Save your knock down drag out fights for when they’re out of the house and have no danger of walking in on the two of you. They’re not going to believe you if they hear you screaming and fighting with each other.
Something else to consider is how far you want to perpetuate the lie. If the kids are really young, it’s possible that they won’t notice a lot of things that older kids will. However, young children do grow up and become more cognizant of what’s going on around them. As they do get older, they may start to ask questions. This may be the time to sit down with them and explain some things. You may try telling them that even though Mommy and Daddy aren’t in love like married people anymore that you still care about and respect each other and you want to provide a nice home for them. This one works out well if you and your husband really do still like each other.
You do need to consider that if you and your husband really can’t stand to live under the same roof any longer, it’s not a great environment for your children. Under these conditions, staying together for the kids isn’t a very good idea. They’ll suffer much more if they live in a stressful home than if they travel between two happy ones. Children survive divorce every day and as long as you and your husband have their best interests at heart, yours can, too.

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