Being There Helping Your Partner Come Out To Their Parents

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By , June 6, 2015 5:33 pm

A great many gay people these days are becoming more and more comfortable with being public about their sexual orientation, but there are still a multitude of families that harbor traditional values. If you find yourself in a relationship with a gay man or woman that is still in the closet, there are a few things you can do to ease the situation and handle it with maturity.
The most important thing for you to do is not push your lover too hard to out themselves. Business in the bedroom really is personal. Much how a young person wouldn’t want to, or need to, tell their parents that they lost their virginity, being homosexual really isn’t that different. It’s personal. If you really find it important for them to come out to their parents, then tell them why. Tell them how you want to be with them openly, without having to hide or feel like an embarrassment. Let them know that it makes you feel small and unwanted to sneak around or pretend to be a “friend.” The first step is talking about it and how you feel.
If they decide to come out, the next step is keeping drama to a minimum. You may find yourself offended, or even intimidated by the views of the family, but if your partner wants you to be there, stay strong and confident. You want to be friendly regardless of any harsh or hurt words that may be thrown your way. Some families come to terms with it easier, as it is becoming more modern and accepted, but you need to be aware that some families can over react a good bit. It may be hard to remain cool and collected under certain pressure or criticisms, but the best thing you can do is try.
If your partner decides to do it alone, and you are concerned about how the family will react, stay close to them. Keep your phone on you in case they need you, and stay within a close distance of their home. Their family may not react too poorly, but it never hurts to be cautious. Some families are just better off handling it alone.
There’s really not a wrong way for your partner to go about it, because once it’s said, that’s it. As soon as the words are out there, there’s no taking them back. So be sure your partner knows that there won’t be any going back when it’s all said and done.
One of the hardest things about being in a relationship with someone who is still in the closet is if they decide to stay there. If you talk to your partner about your concerns and you tell them how it makes you feel, but they still decide to stay hidden, then you’re going to have to make a choice. Would you be able to hide with them, or would you need to live out loud? That’s the decision you’ll have to make.

Minimize Your Holiday Stress

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By , June 4, 2015 12:17 pm

Oh yes, the holidays are merry and jolly and so much fun! Everyone knows that! The question is why is it that couples fight MORE during this happy and joyous time than probably at any other time during the year? When you take a step back and actually look at everything that goes on during the holiday season, it’s a lot easier to understand the reason for all the bickering. The good news is that once you can see the reasons for things, it’s easier to find resolutions to them. It also makes it easier to cut down on the all holiday fighting.
There are so many extra activities going on in the days before Christmas that it’s hard to keep up with them all. Between work and school, parties, and shopping, you and your partner may have to almost pencil in time together. That time together is often strained and less than “quality” because both of you are simply too tired to do anything other than have dinner and sleep.
Another thing that couples argue over is where they’ll be spending the holidays. This is especially problematic when both sides of the family are expecting you to be at their houses for the big event. If you can’t agree on a compromise between the two of you, fireworks will ensue.
Gifts can actually be a subject of great debate when couples cannot decide on spending limits. One partner may want to be thrifty so that the after holiday debt isn’t staggering. The other partner may feel that Christmas only comes once a year and that spending limits shouldn’t be set.
There are certainly other issues that crop up between couples during the holidays but these are some of the biggest. Happily, there are resolutions to them all as long as both of you are willing to work together. It’s not the time of year to be selfish and everyone should understand the meaning of compromising and working together.
First of all, if you’ve got too many things going on at once, cut down on some of the parties and other social gatherings that you’ve been invited to. There will always be some that you can’t say no to for various reasons, but even for those, you can make an appearance and stay a decent amount of time without staying until the bitter end. If you work it right, you may even be able to take care of more than one of these events during the same evening.
As for where you’ll spend the holidays, be fair. If you spent them with one family last year, then the other family gets priority this year. In the event that you’re really lucky and both families live locally to you, then you can simply split up the day and spend part of it with each family. The only way any of this works, though, is if you’re both willing to cooperate with each other and form a plan that’s fair and sensible.
Gift shopping isn’t easy, particularly in these current economically challenged times. The two of you need to sit down and decide on a workable spending limit and stick to it. If your budget is REALLY small this year, there are other gifts to give that are meaningful without being expensive.
Work together and your holiday season will truly be joyous and happy.

Im Still In Love My Ex Isnt

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By , June 2, 2015 8:01 am

You might say, “I’m still in love, my ex isn’t.” This is a difficult situation. First of all, you don’t really know that your ex is not still in love with you, too. Your ex may have claimed to not love you anymore, and that’s possible. But it’s also possible that he or she still harbors feelings for you. Many couples who still love each other very much break up for other reasons.

If you can honestly say, I’m still in love my ex, there’s a good chance your ex might still love you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea to try to get back together. You broke up for a reason. Even if you didn’t want to break up and the break off was entirely your ex’s doing, really think hard about things. It’s rare that a person can’t think back and see reasons why the break-up might be for the best. It isn’t always easy right at first when you’re still in so much pain from the break-up, but with time you’ll probably see that the break-up might even be good for you.

If the break-up was mutual and now you’re having a hard time because you feel “I’m still in love, my ex should be here with me,” then it’s even more important that you examine why you agreed to the break-up in the first place. Yes, there is a chance that a mutual split was a mistake. But if you’ll really look back at the reasons you both had for calling a halt to the relationship, you might find that’s better to love your ex from afar and work through the sadness rather than try to rekindle the romance.

“I’m still in love; my ex even wants to get back together.” While this might make you feel very hopeful that the two of you might be able to work things out and live happily ever after, don’t be fooled into thinking that it will be easy. The reasons you broke up are still there. If you get back together, what will change? Your relationship might go along well for a while because you’re both so happy to be back together.

If you broke up thinking, I’m still in love my ex, and he or she thought the same so you got back together, you’ll go through a honeymoon period just as you did when you were a new couple. You’ll both feel like you saved the relationship and kept each other from making a horrible mistake. But that feel-good honeymoon period will wear off eventually. And then what will you do?

How are you going to prevent the problems that caused you to break up in the first place from coming back and making you want to part ways again? Couples counseling is a good option. If you think, “I’m still in love my ex and want him or her back,” then consider counseling to keep old problems from splitting you up again later.

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