Building Bridges, Not Walls!

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By , August 11, 2020 3:55 pm

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Only twenty years ago, people would casually stroll the neibourhood, stop and chat with each other or walk down the street and greet you cordially. Nowadays people walk at a very fast pace and for the most part just walk past you looking at the ground lost in their own thoughts. It seems less people will say hello to a stranger.

So it seems to a lesser degree with family and friends. Have we in this society lost some of our ability to communicate? Are we so involved in ou…

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Only twenty years ago, people would casually stroll the neibourhood, stop and chat with each other or walk down the street and greet you cordially. Nowadays people walk at a very fast pace and for the most part just walk past you looking at the ground lost in their own thoughts. It seems less people will say hello to a stranger.

So it seems to a lesser degree with family and friends. Have we in this society lost some of our ability to communicate? Are we so involved in our own problems that we just don’t really see people anymore?

There is a misconception that if you are talking to someone that you are communicating. This is not necessarily so. There is a difference between talking at someone and actually communicating. Talking at someone and not allowing an exchange of ideas does not promote a harmonious situation or solutions to a situation. For real communication to occur, an exchange of ideas needs to occur for understanding and possible resolutions.

Our society today its all about anything that makes things quick and easy. Unfortunately this does not always work, especially if you are trying to resolve something.

Take for example a married couple. Communication is so important for long-term relations. Without it, love just goes away. If a couple has not had real communication for a very long time, this can happen.

One thing I have noticed is that people tend to put all their attention on the things we don’t like in our spouse, friend or co-worker. If this is all you can put your attention on then you are doomed to a separation and ill feelings to that individual.

Here is something that I would suggest you try, no matter how bad your relationship is. We of course all have baggage no matter who you are. There is no such thing as a perfect person. So that said, knowing that we all have something that will annoy people, I suggest that you find something to admire about that individual. Everyone has good or strong points so if you start to focus on that instead of all things bad you may be amazed to find, oh my god, there is good there too. This is what you saw in the first place that drew you to that person. If you do this enough, your feelings will revert to the original way you felt about that person. This is what I mean about building bridges, not walls. It is very easy to build walls but if you learn to find what is good in people, you will build bridges instead. How fine is that!

Christian Roommates – Finding The Right One

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By , August 8, 2020 7:18 pm

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When you first began looking for solid Christian roommates to live with, it seemed that you would never find anyone. You may have felt like the only Christian in your new neighborhood. But eventually you will discover a new problem. You will have to chose from a handful of potential roommates. If you’ve just started looking, it may seem like a great problem to have, but making that final choice is difficult and has long-lasting ramifications. Let’s look at some ways to make a…

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When you first began looking for solid Christian roommates to live with, it seemed that you would never find anyone. You may have felt like the only Christian in your new neighborhood. But eventually you will discover a new problem. You will have to chose from a handful of potential roommates. If you’ve just started looking, it may seem like a great problem to have, but making that final choice is difficult and has long-lasting ramifications. Let’s look at some ways to make a wise decision when picking your Christian roommate.

First, make sure that this person is someone you share beliefs with. You don’t have to nitpick or turn it into a theological interrogation, but you just want to make sure that you all believe in the same Christianity. There are so many varieties of Christians in the world that you can’t assume anything. Asking a few questions now will save you tons of trouble down the road.

Also, it’s important to figure out boyfriend and girlfriend situations. This area is a minefield of potential problems. What you believe is appropriate may not be shared with your roommate and vice versa. Get these problems worked out immediately. There’s nothing more awkward and outburst inducing than trying to work out romantic problems with roommates. Figure out a set of common beliefs and rules and agree to stick to them. Even if there are no significant others in the picture that doesn’t mean it will stay like that.

Another area that Christians can disagree on is entertainment. There is a spectrum of beliefs regarding what is appropriate to watch or listen to. Talk a bit with your potential roommate about their favorite movies, TV shows, and bands. If you find that you’re coming from two different worlds, it may be a sign that your roommate relationship would not be a successful one. There tends to be a lot of judgment thrown around regarding entertainment and you don’t want to be caught up in a war over the TV set. Figure this one out early.

Christian roommates can be difficult to find but they can be even more difficult to wade through. People have such varying beliefs that it’s important to get everything settled early on. If it seems like there will be a potential problem, then keep looking. God will bring you the right person in His time.

Personality Dating – Contemporary Tips And Advantages

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By , August 7, 2020 10:13 pm

In a world of ever evolving technology, the possibility of measuring and finding a perfect match for yourself is becoming more and more possible. Some would even dare to say that this capability is already here. Enter personality dating! There are a few ways you can enter this arena, and when done right, can yield awesome results in your dating life. You might even find the person you are looking for.

There are several personality types in the dating world, and in the world in general. The most common are passive, assertive and aggressive. You can find out which one you are by taking a couple of personality tests, or you probably already know which one you are. You can find some of these tests online, or even at some professional dating websites. The most balanced personality to have is an assertive one. This is not too passive and not too aggressive. Rather, you are attentive to what the other person is saying, you are sensitive to their viewpoints, and are also inquisitive to the point that sparks healthy conversation between the both of you. A great way to find out if you are being assertive is if during the course of phone conversation, both you and your partner have an equal opportunities and chances to speak to each other, and both of your talk times are about the same.

Personality tests are quite essential in personality dating because they essentially find out what kind of person you are. The Keirsey Temperament test is a famous one to take. Also the Jung Personality Test, the Big Five personality tests and the Meyers Briggs Personality Tests are famous ones to take. Each of these tests will give you a small snapshot of your personality type. The results can change or remain the same throughout the course of your life, depending on what kind of person you are developing into at that present time.

When it comes ton online dating sites searches, this is where personality dating comes into full force. The dating sites use your results from your personality tests to match against people from all over the nation. Remember to keep your geographic options open because you could very well be missing out on a perfect personality match that is a few states away. The possibilities are endless when it comes to this, and there are plenty of success stories out there to get you going.

5 Secret Ways to Show Your Love to Your Partner

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By , August 5, 2020 10:23 pm

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Five overlooked ways to show your significant other how much you truly love them

love poems, love letters, relationships, love advice

There are many ways to express love to your partner other than quoting the actual words “I Love You.” Usually the fire in relationships dies down after a while and the feeling of your heart pounding with the excitement of being with your significant other is not felt nearly as often, or even at all.

So, how do we get back that love, passion and warm feeling that wraps around us and penetrate our thoughts in the beginning of a relationship?

Many say actions speak louder than words so below I have listed 5 secrets of seduction to help you show your partner how much you truly love them:

1. Flirt

This is a light-hearted seduction with the intent of conveying love! Why not send a sexy text message or email while you are at work? This reminds the other person that you are thinking about him or her. It also increases the intensity of love so that you actually look forward to seeing each other when you return home from work.

2. Candles

According to Feng Shui, the seduction candle is red and the ingredients are musk, patchouli, pine, cedar and juniper. This secret of seduction can put back the romance in your relationships. Why not fill your room with scented candles and turn off the lights just to relax in each others arms? The extra effort goes a very long way!

3. Food

It is said that “the way to a man‘s heart is through his stomach,” however this is also thought to be the secret of successful seduction of women too. Show your love by setting up a surprise dinner for two. Add flowers, soft music and incense to create a seductive love nest. Aphrodisiac foods such as oysters, chili, chocolate, figs, honey and walnuts are said to aid in the stimulation of your loved ones hormones.

4. Love Letters and Poems

Why not leave a love note for your loved one? This can be posted in the bathroom or kitchen before you leave to work. You could also leave a nice love poem under the pillow so that your partner finds this at night before bedtime or first thing in the morning. Or send a hand written love letter to their work address. This will stir up the feeling of love in the privacy of your bedroom as well as in your relationship. Inspiration can be taken from music or love poem books.

5. Get Away

There can be a lot of distractions in your relationship such as work or children. There are many short vacations available for the weekend or just for a day. You may arrange a trip to the Health Spa or a Hotel so that you are in a different environment than usual where you can both relax and concentrate on each other.

Using the five techniques above to show your significant other just how much you truly love them will certainly spice up your love life, strengthen your relationship, and keep you and your partner happy for years to come!

A Good Communication Technique

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By , August 3, 2020 1:01 am

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This article discusses how you can communicate better using the “I” message

“I” message, communication, good communication, communication technique

Human beings are social beings and we are interacting with people every day of our life. Often, our happiness depends a great deal on how the interactions with each person turn out. This is especially true of those whom we care about e.g. in close friendships as well as in marriage. However, because each personality we deal with is unique and presents its own challenges, managing the myriad of relationships requires us to consciously observe the process and impact of our interactions so that we continue to gain knowledge, understanding and experience in developing relationships in a positive way.

I have realized that to have good management of relationships, we need to be assertive and honest in sharing our thoughts, feelings and concerns. However, this needs to be done in a way that does not provoke the other party, but is instead respectful and encourages both parties to listen to each other. A good way to do this is through the communication technique of “I” Messages.

In “I” messages, statements are made about ourselves, how we feel and our concerns, and what actions of the other party has led to the concerns. “You” messages focus on the other person and would usually lead the other party to become defensive unless the “You” message is a positive statement of the other person. For example, a husband or wife is waiting for the return of the spouse and when the spouse returns, he or she might be greeted by this: “You are always coming home late! Why can’t you come back earlier?” This “You” message leads to the spouse feeling blamed and attacked and the ensuing communication would likely not be an amiable one. In a conflicting situation, “You” message focuses on attacking the other person. As a result, the primary issues are pushed aside. In contrast, in this same scenario, an “I” message would look like this: “I feel rather lonely while waiting for you to come home. I’m concerned that you are often home late and I get rather frustrated wondering when you’re going to be home.” In this statement therefore, the speaker shares his or her feelings and concerns. The clear communication of the concern is a good starting point for both parties to work out what can be done about it.

“I” messages are effective because the focus is on the issue or concern and not on the other person. The sharing of the speaker’s feelings can also lead to more trust in the relationship as it shows the speaker is willing to look within himself or herself and take responsibility for his or her feelings.

In fact, generally in most interactions, my opinion is that the use of “I” messages is always superior to “You” messages and is a more respectful way of communicating. So, even when expressing positive feelings, a “You” message: “You look good in this dress”, could be enhanced by “I” messages: “I’m so happy to see you. I remember all the fun we used to have. You look good.”

Generally, there are three parts to an “I” message:

I feel _________________ (express your feeling)
when you _____________ (describe the action that affects you or relates to the feeling)
because _______________ (explain how the action affects you or relates to the feeling)

The order in which the 3 parts are expressed is usually not important.
Sometimes a fourth part might be added. This states our preference for what we would like to take place instead.

Examples of more “I” messages:

“I get very anxious when you raise your voice at me because it makes me feel like I’ve done something very wrong. Could you please not raise your voice when we talk?”

“I’m so happy you’re learning to cook because then I’ll know you can prepare your own meal when I’m unable to be home in time to cook.”

“When you take so long talking to your friend on the phone, I’m concerned that there might be urgent calls that cannot come through. Also, I feel frustrated as I would like to spend more time with you. How about asking your friend to call at another time, when I am not around.”

Use of “I” messages might not come naturally to most people initially. However, with practice, you will be surprised at how you will begin to like this communication approach, especially when you begin to experience the good result of better quality interactions and more harmonious relationships.

Reference:

1. http://www.succezz.com/S2/ForbiddenPsychologicalTactics.html
2. http://www.succezz.com/happy1.html
3. http://www.jacobgan.com/MotivateYourWayToSuccess.html

Dating Abuse – Types Of Dating Abuse

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By , August 1, 2020 9:24 am

There are three main types of dating abuse that you should be aware about when you or one of your friends are dating. The main types of abuse are physical abuse, emotional abuse and sexual abuse. There are distinct differences between the three, and when you are aware of what each means, then you will be able to identify it at the drop of a dime.

Physical abuse happens when someone actually does something physical to hurt the other person or knock that person off balance against their will. For example, if a man is upset at his partner and he slaps her across the face, then that is physical abuse. Another example is when he shoves her out of the way while walking past her. If she did not approve of this or is not in the mood for it, then it can be counted as abuse. In fact, there is no time when anyone should be pushed, shoved or hit. Other examples of physical dating abuse are when one or both partners are kicking, scratching, biting each other or throwing things at each other. The reason why this is so bad is because it can easily escalate into domestic violence where someone can get seriously hurt or even killed. If you see this happening, then run quick!

Emotional abuse happens when one partner calls the other partner names or puts them down. There can be emotional abuse without physical abuse. It is one thing to give constructive criticism, but to tear someone down or to belittle them, especially in front of other friends and family is not good at all. If someone is to point out something wrong that you did, then there must also be a solution mentioned, and it must be presented in a courteous way. No person deserves to be called any names or be bullied. Another form of emotional abuse is when one partner neglects the other partner. He or she either keeps them away from seeing friends and family, or they don’t even spend time with them. Either one is a dangerous form of emotional abuse, and if you see it, then run quickly.

Sexual abuse occurs when your partner forces you to do something sexual against your will, such as touching, kissing, or having sex. This can easily escalate to physical abuse like hitting, shoving, kicking, scratching, etc. If you see any of these forms of dating abuse happening in your relationship or the relationship of one of your friends, then tell them to leave quickly. Everyone will be better off.

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